Sometimes quotes and thoughts from other people can sum up my feelings better than I can. We all have our strengths and mine certainly isn't putting my feelings into words.
My dear, dear friend, Nicole, seems to be living the same life as me, just a year later. She's completing her student teaching in Sarasota, Florida right now and posted this blog entry a couple of days ago. Thank you, thank you, thank you Nicole. For finally putting into words how I have been feeling for the past nine months of my life.
"While discussing Ashland over the weekend, I stated that I hadn't realized how
much I was going to miss by being here. I decided to student teach in the fall
rather than the spring to avoid missing those unforgettable senior moments, but
what I hadn't thought about was the events and experiences that only occur
during the fall, of which I won't be able to go to this year, and likely ever
again. The soccer, football, and volleyball games I've always gone to,
Homecoming weekend, team bonding, and so many more.
But while I was
thinking about all of this, a friend questioned whether I was missing these
things, or missing out on these things. In other words, was I actually
upset about not being there for those events and experiences, or was I just
thinking about all of the things I can't go to, even if they really don't mean
that much to me. This was a complete eye-opener. Sure I am missing
out on going to those games or having those experiences, but the only
things I seem to truly be missing are the people back in Ohio and the
experiences that those events allow me to create with those people.
This morning I was struggling a lot with this, but throughout the day,
it became obvious how miniscule those events are compared to the opportunities I
have here. I have met so many amazing people here and have already learned
things I probably never would have had I stayed in Ohio. I still miss my family
and friends in Ohio, but I would never trade those events that I'm
missing out on for the experiences I have had, can have, and
will have here."
My favorite line? "Sure I am missing out on going to those games or having those experiences, but the only things I seem to truly be missing are the people back in Ohio and the experiences that those events allow me to create with those people."
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Myth Confirmed: Honduras Edition.
You know the myth that all students buy into. The one that teachers live at their school and never leave and definitely never go to the grocery store. Well, here at Siguatepeque Bilingual Christian School we prove that myth to be 100% true. 
It's kind of nice because I don't have to factor any time for a commute into my morning routine. It's kind of nice because I can come home during my prep periods and lunch to relax. It's kind of not nice because we rarely leave our home/work complex.
In any case, the myth has been confirmed. Teachers do, in fact, live at school.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
First Day: Part Two. And The Break-through.
For whatever reason I had been putting off this post. I couldn't give a specific reason as to why because I knew that I wanted to write down my thoughts and feelings about my first REAL day of school. ("Real" being I had my Grade Ones and Grade Twos as I typically will.) But I couldn't do it. For the past two days I have been telling myself to write about everything so that I could see how far I have come. So that one day when I've had lots and lots of teaching experience, I can go back to this and remember what these past few days have been like.
But I just couldn't do it.
Until today.
My Grade Twos have settled into the routines and are doing absolutely wonderful. We've started building relationships with each other and are getting into the groove of being in school. That isn't to say that we don't have our struggles, but we're doing so much better than "just surviving".
Grade Ones are TOUGH. They're sweet children with very vibrant personalities, but they are energetic. Super, super energetic. 25 of them. One of me. You do the math.
I left my classroom on Monday and Tuesday very, very over-whelmed. I felt as if I had stepped into this classroom blind. An observer would think that I had no training in teaching. These kids were wild and I had no idea what to do. I had to shut the door behind me, take a deep breath, and know that tomorrow was a new day to try again.
Let me paint the picture though. As soon as I got here, people looked at me with that look of pity when I said that I was teaching Grade One. My princial and assistant principal and partner teacher all looked at me like they felt sorry for me on Monday and Tuesday. My students were standing on desks, screaming at each other, refusing to work, stabbing each other with pencils (more on that later). It was TOUGH. Not just general talking while I was teaching, but I couldn't even get their attention to try to talk to them. Turning the lights off? Nope. Clapping? Nada. Having them repeat my actions? Nah. Talking quiet? Not a chance. Trying to talk loud? Not over 25 students. I had no idea what to do. No. Idea.
All I could do was take a deep breath, say a lot of prayers, and prepare for another day. More than once did I allow the chaos to get crazier before trying to settle it down because I knew there was no fighting against these strong-willed children.
And then today happened. The students came in, sat down, paid attention. They were NOT the same students who had been in my classroom earlier this week. And they stayed like that for the entire afternoon. WHAT?! Who were these children?! I was so proud of them, I gave them so many hugs and rewards today because they were so well-behaved. The only issues we had were general Grade One problems. Nothing like we dealt with the past two days.
Today was fantastic. It was exactly what I needed. It showed me that not evey day will be perfect, but there are ways to reach these kids. The potential is there. And honestly, these kids have so much working against them, it's no wonder the first couple of days were hard. It was their first time staying at school past noon, it was their first time with an English teacher since May, it was the afternoon, it's been hot, my room was arranged in a horrible way. I can't listen to Spanish for very long without getting distracted, so I completely understand how the kids felt. I couldn't be upset with them, I just had to keep pushing through.
And today was so, so worth it. We ran around outside. I taught them the appropriate time to say "Stick 'em up!" and how to flaunt their new style of their pants rolled up into short shorts. We laughed. We had fun. I taught, they learned. And I learned from them.
I'm not assuming that everyday is going to be like today. But it gives me hope that there will be good days ahead. I butted heads with my kids in Brazil for the first four-ish weeks until we were comfortable with each other and then we loved each other. I can see this going much the same way.
My principal and assistant principal are great. So great. I am so blessed to work with such wonderful people. Both of them have offered to help me wherever are need it and are frequently hanging out in/ around my classroom. They always check in on my during recesses and at the end of the day. I couldn't ask for better people to be working with and to have supporting me.
Speaking of my assistant principal. Yesterday, in a particularly rough time, my students were taking their pencils and pencil sharpeners and then stabbing each other with them. I took a pencil from a kid, stepped outside just as my assistant principal walked past. The conversation went as follows. "Umm, Profe Maria Mercedes? Necesito ayuda, por favor. Umm, los alumnos sacan sus lapices y umm sus sacapuntas. Y umm *sharpening motion* y entonces *stabing motion*" Yeah. We're working on the expansion of my Spanish vocabulary, I was never excellent at Charades.
But I just couldn't do it.
Until today.
My Grade Twos have settled into the routines and are doing absolutely wonderful. We've started building relationships with each other and are getting into the groove of being in school. That isn't to say that we don't have our struggles, but we're doing so much better than "just surviving".
Grade Ones are TOUGH. They're sweet children with very vibrant personalities, but they are energetic. Super, super energetic. 25 of them. One of me. You do the math.
I left my classroom on Monday and Tuesday very, very over-whelmed. I felt as if I had stepped into this classroom blind. An observer would think that I had no training in teaching. These kids were wild and I had no idea what to do. I had to shut the door behind me, take a deep breath, and know that tomorrow was a new day to try again.
Let me paint the picture though. As soon as I got here, people looked at me with that look of pity when I said that I was teaching Grade One. My princial and assistant principal and partner teacher all looked at me like they felt sorry for me on Monday and Tuesday. My students were standing on desks, screaming at each other, refusing to work, stabbing each other with pencils (more on that later). It was TOUGH. Not just general talking while I was teaching, but I couldn't even get their attention to try to talk to them. Turning the lights off? Nope. Clapping? Nada. Having them repeat my actions? Nah. Talking quiet? Not a chance. Trying to talk loud? Not over 25 students. I had no idea what to do. No. Idea.
All I could do was take a deep breath, say a lot of prayers, and prepare for another day. More than once did I allow the chaos to get crazier before trying to settle it down because I knew there was no fighting against these strong-willed children.
And then today happened. The students came in, sat down, paid attention. They were NOT the same students who had been in my classroom earlier this week. And they stayed like that for the entire afternoon. WHAT?! Who were these children?! I was so proud of them, I gave them so many hugs and rewards today because they were so well-behaved. The only issues we had were general Grade One problems. Nothing like we dealt with the past two days.
Today was fantastic. It was exactly what I needed. It showed me that not evey day will be perfect, but there are ways to reach these kids. The potential is there. And honestly, these kids have so much working against them, it's no wonder the first couple of days were hard. It was their first time staying at school past noon, it was their first time with an English teacher since May, it was the afternoon, it's been hot, my room was arranged in a horrible way. I can't listen to Spanish for very long without getting distracted, so I completely understand how the kids felt. I couldn't be upset with them, I just had to keep pushing through.
And today was so, so worth it. We ran around outside. I taught them the appropriate time to say "Stick 'em up!" and how to flaunt their new style of their pants rolled up into short shorts. We laughed. We had fun. I taught, they learned. And I learned from them.
I'm not assuming that everyday is going to be like today. But it gives me hope that there will be good days ahead. I butted heads with my kids in Brazil for the first four-ish weeks until we were comfortable with each other and then we loved each other. I can see this going much the same way.
My principal and assistant principal are great. So great. I am so blessed to work with such wonderful people. Both of them have offered to help me wherever are need it and are frequently hanging out in/ around my classroom. They always check in on my during recesses and at the end of the day. I couldn't ask for better people to be working with and to have supporting me.
Speaking of my assistant principal. Yesterday, in a particularly rough time, my students were taking their pencils and pencil sharpeners and then stabbing each other with them. I took a pencil from a kid, stepped outside just as my assistant principal walked past. The conversation went as follows. "Umm, Profe Maria Mercedes? Necesito ayuda, por favor. Umm, los alumnos sacan sus lapices y umm sus sacapuntas. Y umm *sharpening motion* y entonces *stabing motion*" Yeah. We're working on the expansion of my Spanish vocabulary, I was never excellent at Charades.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Enojado? In Ohio?
I was reminded yesterday at church how important it is to annunciate clearly and speak with a purpose.
One of the teachers invited us to her church and asked me where I live in the United States. I replied by saying "In Ohio". She thought I said "enojado" which is how to say "mad" in Spanish. This is not the first time I have encountered this issue. My host family in Costa Rica thought that I was mad for the a good two weeks before realizing I meant "In. Ohio."
Lesson learned.
One of the teachers invited us to her church and asked me where I live in the United States. I replied by saying "In Ohio". She thought I said "enojado" which is how to say "mad" in Spanish. This is not the first time I have encountered this issue. My host family in Costa Rica thought that I was mad for the a good two weeks before realizing I meant "In. Ohio."
Lesson learned.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Things I Miss.
Let me clarify one thing before launching into this blogpost. I LOVE being here. Love, love, love. I love the city that I am living in, I love the people I have met and spend my days with, I love my students with all my heart, I love being in Honduras. I wouldn't trade this experience and opportunity for anything. There is not any part of me that regrets being here.
That being said, there are a lot of things at home that I really, really miss. I miss events, milestones, people. Things aren't the same at home as they are when I left them, but at the same time, I am not the same person I was when I left home.
I've been feeling a tad bit homesick since being here in Honduras. Not homesick as in "Get me on the next plane, I want to get out of here." But more along the lines of "Put everyone I love on a plane and get them down here." I miss the people who have been a part of my life for so long.
It's also the fact that every August since 1995, I have packed up my back pack, laid out my clothes, and entered a classroom on the first day as a student. But now, in August of 2012, I wasn't returning to a classroom of my friends, but rather walking into a classroom where I was the one in charge. It's been a lot of changes these past few months (getting home from Rio, graduation, getting a job, moving down here, etc, etc) and it's kind of hitting me all at once.
I love having pictures of my friends and family on my walls, but sometimes it almost makes it worse. Sometimes if I can put everything out of my mind and just focus on the here and now, things don't seem as sad. But then other times, the pictures make me feel better. All that to say that the pictures are indeed staying. I spent far too long hanging them up one day to take them down during a bout of homesickness.
One of my friends turned 21 today which also contributed to my sadness because I couldn't be there for it. Thank goodness for the 21st century and technology; I was able to order him a drink via FaceTime. Awesome, but it's not the same as actully being there.
I think that's my biggest struggle. One of the things most precious to me is quality time spent with people and being present in their life. Got a game coming up? I'll be there. Birthday? Count me in. Need to go grocery shopping? I'm tagging along. Because I like to spend time with the people who mean the most to me. I feel like I'm not doing that/ unable to do that here and that's really tough for me to deal with.
In other news...
My kids are wonderful. Wild and all sorts of rambuctious, yet so much fun. It's going to be a bit of a struggle getting back into the groove of being in school again and being a "real" teacher, but I think it's going to be a really great year. Not without it's challenges of course, but overall, a wonderful time.
My students are not short on love. The second they walk through the door, they're hugging me. They're constantly wanting to spend time with me at recess. Remember, they're only in second grade, so the teacher is still cool. Which is fine by me. I've felt over-whelmed with beginning of school shenanigans this week, but my students are right there with a giant hug and a smile. That makes everything so much more bearable.
It hit me today that I'm a missionary. Which is not something that I EVER thought that I would be. And I still don't really feel like one. I mean, I take scalding hot showers, have electricity, and don't eat weird things. But here I am, missionary-ing.
Anddddd, I cashed my first paycheck today. My first not part-time/summer job check. Weird. But awesome.
That being said, there are a lot of things at home that I really, really miss. I miss events, milestones, people. Things aren't the same at home as they are when I left them, but at the same time, I am not the same person I was when I left home.
I've been feeling a tad bit homesick since being here in Honduras. Not homesick as in "Get me on the next plane, I want to get out of here." But more along the lines of "Put everyone I love on a plane and get them down here." I miss the people who have been a part of my life for so long.
It's also the fact that every August since 1995, I have packed up my back pack, laid out my clothes, and entered a classroom on the first day as a student. But now, in August of 2012, I wasn't returning to a classroom of my friends, but rather walking into a classroom where I was the one in charge. It's been a lot of changes these past few months (getting home from Rio, graduation, getting a job, moving down here, etc, etc) and it's kind of hitting me all at once.
I love having pictures of my friends and family on my walls, but sometimes it almost makes it worse. Sometimes if I can put everything out of my mind and just focus on the here and now, things don't seem as sad. But then other times, the pictures make me feel better. All that to say that the pictures are indeed staying. I spent far too long hanging them up one day to take them down during a bout of homesickness.
One of my friends turned 21 today which also contributed to my sadness because I couldn't be there for it. Thank goodness for the 21st century and technology; I was able to order him a drink via FaceTime. Awesome, but it's not the same as actully being there.
I think that's my biggest struggle. One of the things most precious to me is quality time spent with people and being present in their life. Got a game coming up? I'll be there. Birthday? Count me in. Need to go grocery shopping? I'm tagging along. Because I like to spend time with the people who mean the most to me. I feel like I'm not doing that/ unable to do that here and that's really tough for me to deal with.
In other news...
My kids are wonderful. Wild and all sorts of rambuctious, yet so much fun. It's going to be a bit of a struggle getting back into the groove of being in school again and being a "real" teacher, but I think it's going to be a really great year. Not without it's challenges of course, but overall, a wonderful time.
My students are not short on love. The second they walk through the door, they're hugging me. They're constantly wanting to spend time with me at recess. Remember, they're only in second grade, so the teacher is still cool. Which is fine by me. I've felt over-whelmed with beginning of school shenanigans this week, but my students are right there with a giant hug and a smile. That makes everything so much more bearable.
It hit me today that I'm a missionary. Which is not something that I EVER thought that I would be. And I still don't really feel like one. I mean, I take scalding hot showers, have electricity, and don't eat weird things. But here I am, missionary-ing.
Anddddd, I cashed my first paycheck today. My first not part-time/summer job check. Weird. But awesome.
Monday, August 27, 2012
It's Official-- I'm Official!
I can finally say that I am real teacher because I have had ONE official day of school. And I still want to go back tomorrow. Which has to be a good sign.
Due to Civic Hour and specials, I didn't actually have a lot of instructional time with my kiddos, but I know that's all coming up soon.
The first day was interesting. I'm not sure what I was expecting, I don't even know if I had expectations, but the whole day FLEW by. The next thing I knew the day was over and I had one day of teaching under my belt.
The kids are wonderful. CRAZY, but wonderful. I'm still re-adjusting to the fact that kids in this culture are chatty while I'm giving instruction, much like my kids in Brazil. Luckily here I know that I can, and will, adjust to it.
It's still SO strange to me that I am the one in charge here. The students switch classes on my schedule, they look to me as the example. I'm still waiting for a mentor teacher to come in and tell me what to do or what's coming up next in the school day. It's all a little weird still.
I decided to search for my school on YouTube. Because there isn't anything else that I could possibly be working on, right? Here's a nice little video of what I'm working with on a daily basis. And by "working with", I mean living and working.
And these are my roommates and fellow teachers. I can't say that any of us are going to take up acting anytime soon.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Day .5
I can't call today the first day of school because I didn't actually do any teaching, but there were students here and I did have to wake up at an unnatural hour, therefore it was day 1/2. Monday will be the "real" first day.
Today was the inauguration of classes so we had some time in the classroom, an all school devotional, and then hours of game time. Or what seemed like it anyways. On one hand, it was great to get to know the students in such an informal way, but on the other hand, it was a kind of chaotic "first day".
I only spent time with my second graders today and let me tell you, they are an energetic little bunch. But they aren't short on hugs and giggles and all things that make little kids adorable. And they call me "Mees" which already ranks them higher in my book.
While today was a little wild and overwhelming, but it was so wonderful to get to know my students. Being with them today made me so excited to have a whole classroom full of them next week. I don't doubt that the year will be full of struggles, but I can already tell this it is going to be so full of laughter.
One of my girls ran into me at the grocery store and came up to give me a giant hug. This is after spending about three hours together. Yes, this is my life. And I'm quite okay with it.
Oh, and I started out the morning by flat ironing my shirt since we don't have an iron. Let's pull it together, Miss Casa.
Today was the inauguration of classes so we had some time in the classroom, an all school devotional, and then hours of game time. Or what seemed like it anyways. On one hand, it was great to get to know the students in such an informal way, but on the other hand, it was a kind of chaotic "first day".
I only spent time with my second graders today and let me tell you, they are an energetic little bunch. But they aren't short on hugs and giggles and all things that make little kids adorable. And they call me "Mees" which already ranks them higher in my book.
While today was a little wild and overwhelming, but it was so wonderful to get to know my students. Being with them today made me so excited to have a whole classroom full of them next week. I don't doubt that the year will be full of struggles, but I can already tell this it is going to be so full of laughter.
One of my girls ran into me at the grocery store and came up to give me a giant hug. This is after spending about three hours together. Yes, this is my life. And I'm quite okay with it.
Oh, and I started out the morning by flat ironing my shirt since we don't have an iron. Let's pull it together, Miss Casa.
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